Hey Selfie & Such-ers, here is your one and only guide into living your best life yet. I’m kidding, this isn’t a guide. Maybe we’ll call it a journey of sorts. One where we will uncover ways you are able to exert your influence on the universe. Along with you, I too will be going on this journey to rediscover myself, reconnect with my inner world, and better yet, unlock the potential life I can be living! Before we get too excited though, we have to ask, what will it take? The answer: Commitment and Consistency. Dun dun dun! The two most dreaded ‘C’ – words. Okay. Not the most dreaded, but they’re definitely up there.
Here it goes anyway, say it with me: “I commit to showing up for myself daily in every which way possible. I will overcome the struggles, no matter how overwhelming, and celebrate my wins, regardless of how small. I am committed to my growth, reaching my highest potential and becoming the best version of myself. I am committed to living my best life yet!”
With such a commitment also comes the need for awareness. Awareness that growth isn’t linear. We may grow in a certain area one week and slip-up the next. And that is OKAY! We will be kind to ourselves, pick up where we left off and keep moving forward. Cause, honey, growth is a dance and life is one big dance party. Now that we have our dancing shoes on, let’s uncover a secret that will set you free.
One of the most liberating things you can do is recognize your own power. How do we recognize our own power? Oh, the list for this is endless! But let’s go with a fundamental, shall we? Regardless of what origin story you believe or don’t, with the help and advancements of science, I think we can all agree we are composed of elements found scattered throughout time and space. We all have a little bit of stardust in us! Thus, we make up the universe, right?
Now, I don’t think it’s a far stretch for me to say you are the center of the universe. Mmm — Correction — Your Universe. You are The Center of Your Universe. Anyone who has told you otherwise, simply is unaware of the power you possess and the ability you have to influence the world around you. Wait a second though, what do I mean by “Your Universe”? Well, just that actually, your universe is a combination of your internal world and your physical reality.
Your internal world consists of your thoughts, emotions, memories, dreams, traumas, observations, sense of self, confidence and even that little voice narrating your whole life. Your physical reality consists of your physical being, your personal space/bubble, your belongings, your aesthetics, your connections and the world around you. You see, you are at the center of it all. Everything in your universe begins and ends with you. It is you, before all else. Undoubtedly, the relationship you maintain between your internal world and physical reality is the longest and most important relationship you will ever forge in your life. And in that lies your greatest power.
“You are The Center of Your Universe.“
Day in and day out, you get to choose who shows up in the world with your name and face. Are you the life of the party? Or the DJ? Or the wallflower adding to the dance floor when the beat drops? In any which way you choose to show-up, the party exists because you do. Your power is in that, in your presence, in you simply being you! You can wake up one day and decide to do everything differently. Dress differently, talk differently, walk differently, think differently, behave differently — You get to choose what your life looks like. Realistically, you are the only thing holding you back. Terrifying isn’t it? To realize ALL the power you hold and what you could do with it!
With so much autonomy, how do you ground yourself? How do you take care of yourself? In recent years, hashtags like self-care, self-love and treat yourself have been trending off the charts. But what does that even mean? What does that even look like? It’s easy to assume it means taking long candle-lit bubble baths, indulging in your favorite foods and throwing caution to the wind when going on a shopping spree. Although those acts are beneficial at times, it’s not always so glamorous. Self-care can also look like writing in a journal every night, pulling yourself together after balling your eyes out and holding yourself accountable for your bad habits. It’s the good, the bad, the glamorous, the ugly and everything in between.
Even so, what about getting your nails and hair done? How about cleaning up your place or organizing your workspace? What about bettering the beliefs you whisper to yourself throughout the day? What about changing your lifestyle to eating better and working out? Where does the line get drawn? Is any and every act you do for yourself considered “self-care”?
If so, that ‘to-do’ list for “self-care” can get to be miles long when you’re feeling unlike yourself. And if you’re anything like me, not only is it a struggle to choose an act of self-care you need in the moment of recalibration, but also, a struggle to find the motivation to follow through. And so, I did what anyone needing clarity would: research & break it down! One of the ways I am able to better understand myself, the world around me and how everything connects is by sitting with the uncomfortable. I basically sit and allow myself to go through the motions of feeling. And then I dissect. I pull apart each detail, even the seemingly irrelevant, until it all makes sense. In order to deal with the uncomfortable and the overwhelming concept of taking care of oneself, I came to the understanding that Self-Love was composed of two main categories: Self-Care and Self-Maintenance.
Self-care is the act of tending to your mental health, doing the work to resolve your mental blocks and traumas. It is meditating, journaling, praying, catching up with friends or family and indulging in your creative outlet. Self-care gives you clarity and a deep understanding of self. In terms of your universe, self-care is any act tending to your internal world. It grounds you and allows you to feel like you again.
Self-maintenance, on the other hand, is the act of up-keeping your appearance and aesthetics. It is showering, grooming, getting your nails done, applying make-up, working out, making your bed and organizing the space around you. It is doing acts that may feel tedious in the moment but help you feel taken care of, confident and proud in the long-run. In terms of your universe, self-maintenance is any act that up-keeps your physical reality. It allows you to feel accomplished and euphoric.
Understanding the correlation between your internal world and physical world is how you gain self-awareness. The way you behave directly relates to how you feel on the inside. Likewise, your external world influences your internal one. The treatment you accept is also an indicator on how you’ve internalized the life you’ve been living. This is a conversation for a different day. For now, focus on: how well and how consistently you participate in acts of self-care and self-maintenance. That sets the tone of the environment you live in and essentially the life you live. The main takeaway here is, the way you care for your internal world manifests in your physical reality. I recommend doing one act that nourishes your internal world and one act that tends to your external world once per week to start.
That being said, every individual is their own universe. Each person is at the center of their own universe. Like you, everyone is trying to balance a delicate relationship between who they are on the inside with who they are on the outside. Our relationship with others, believe it or not, also depends heavily on our relationship with ourselves. Like I said, it begins and ends with you.
Moving on from here, how are you supposed to navigate the world with this new information? Will a focus on yourself make you narcissistic or selfish? Will you be considered a narcissist if you think you’re the center of your reality? Absolutely not. Self-love is to place high priority for your well-being and happiness. Narcissism is to have excessive interest in yourself to the point there is no regard for others’ existence and their well being is irrelevant.
Think of it this way: you are the main character in your life and everyone you interact with has their own story line. They make appearances in your life until it’s time for them to move on, just as you make cameos in their lives. As the main character, you would want others to be happy, healthy and well off in their own lives as you are in yours. Ask yourself do you support and find joy in the success of those around you? And if you do, trust me, you’re far from being a narcissist.
Will you be considered selfish? Maybe – but only by those who benefitted from you not putting yourself first. And let me tell you, those are not your people. People who are meant to be in your life will encourage you to do what is best for you. Here’s something I had muttered to myself at one of the most self compromising moments of my life: “Don’t be so selfless that you end up without yourself. Be in service of yourself so you can then be in service of others. Love yourself so much that you can then pour that love into helping others flourish.” I don’t even truly know where that came from, but it was exactly what I needed to hear in those moments. I think back to that whenever I find myself compromising parts of me for the sake of others. And almost immediately, I snap out of it. I stop putting others before myself. I take inventory of my negative feelings, let them go and give myself permission to be happy. That’s where true happiness comes from anyway, from within yourself.
And on that note, I do hope you will join me as we go on this journey of self-discovery, connecting with our inner worlds, and ultimately being inspired to live up to our highest potentials.
So say it with me: “I am the center of my universe! I commit to showing up for myself daily in every which way possible. I will overcome the struggles, no matter how overwhelming, and celebrate my wins, regardless of how small. I am committed to my growth, reaching my highest potential and becoming the best version of myself. I am committed to living my best life yet!”
Till next time, my Selfie & Such-ers!
XOXO
— S
P.S Turn the lights off, put on some great music, disco lights — if you have some — and dance your heart out!
